I'm a storyteller. Im fascinated by ideas and emotion and connection. It is for this reason that I obsessively read, write, draw, paint and take photos.
These creative processes help me understand and grow as a human on the earth.
Creativity helps me work out the good and not-so-good stories in my head. The ones I make up about myself and about others which tend to colour my emotions with joy or pain or what have you.
Far too often, throughout my life, and still today, part of the story I tell myself is that I'm not very good.
As in, I'm not very good at staying fit or looking fashionable. I'm not good at being a point of guidance for my children or a patient wife to my husband. I'm not very good at blogging or building a business or painting or making sense with words.
These stories are the worst ones because they build sadness and ultimately resentment.
I know that these fables in my brain have developed from my stupid tendency to "people please" which is an unhealthy habit of doing things for people in exchange for acceptance and love. It's not a good habit and I strongly caution against it.
I know the stuff around my body image and self worth derives from childhood and society's sick obsession with the female image.
I know that the stories about how hard I work at building a business and being the best comes from the push in school to do better & go harder; the voices of the adults who seen my intelligence and decided art was a wasteful pursuit for me.
I know that these stories are grim and make-believe. They are fake.
Not real.
But somehow I have real-ized them in my head and heart. They've become part of me on a cellular level.
The thing is that I am finished with these stories. I don't want to carry them with me anymore. They will always be part of who I've been but I no longer want them to be part of who I am.
The way I plan to release these sick fairy tales of my delusional brain is to share them. I am going to release them.
I will blog about them. I will paint them and script them. I will photograph myself to show my power over them.
And I will share it all with you, my readers, because I know that there is power in connection and I know that many of us have these same scripts running through our minds; running our minds; ruining our lives. And I want to show you all how awesome we are and how we can take back our minds and learn to love ourselves better.
I'm a storyteller and I want to share my story so that you may better understand your own.
Peace, friends.
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