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July 2013

07/31/2013

Fare thee well, July.

Fare thee well, July.

 

Oh, July.
I'm sad to see you go. You've been good to us this year and we've had oodles of fun.

We never quite know what to expect from you July, in terms ofweather but this year?  This year, you were amazing. Gorgeous sunny days, no rain(!), and not too, too hot. (Some days were HOT).

Beautiful.

In terms of how we fared in life, July, you threw a lot at us. At me. But we survived it! And the lessons we came through were grand! Big philosophical shifts took place for at least four out of four members of this tribe and I am grateful.

My boy learned a good lesson in respect: how to be respectful and how to expect respect. It was a good one; the kick we both needed to set us in a good place together.  I love how kids seems to sort themselves out better after 17.  It's a rough ride through 13-17, but at least it goes pretty fast.  And I'm glad I have another 4 years or so before I hit the teens again. (this time with a girl!)

My husband learned that life is too short when you're a family man to be working yourself to the brink of burnout to keep others happy. (The perils of working for yourself). I'm sure there's a lesson in self worth there somewhere too but we won't push it. He gets it. And Ilove him for that so much.

I learned that mindfulness, self care, and loving kindness are my necessary approaches to life. This is how I navigate. It's how I roll. It's my jam, man, and I'm happyto be moving forward into the world of practicing mindfulness as a way of life. The photo above is one I snapped early this morning on my stroll to the beach to meditate::a new practice I'm beginning NOW. So. Awesome.

And, our girl.  Well she learned that being brave has big, happy rewards, that when you're eight years old, you no longer need to believe in monsters and that she is so perfect just the way she is.

Pretty fantastic if you ask me.  I couldn't have planned for better.

Yes, July you were big and bold and beautiful. You gave us love and taught us how to nurture ourselves and each other better. You were the month that burned away the fog of confusion from the first part of the year.

Thank you for that. I am grateful and feeling blessed.

And now, I welcome August, the swan song to summer. Let us be continually blessed in your presence.

Happy Wednesday! Go forth & be awesome people. Thanks for reading along with me, I love ya!!


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07/30/2013

THE SWEET SPOT

 

 

I spent the past weekend in a campsite and on the beach and in the water. I'm feeling cooked in the very best way. Family, time with my girl (but really missingmy boy-becoming-man who doesn't come camping anymore) sitting in the sun on the beach, in the woods, on the lake.

Some of the very best moments of life are spent like this. In nature. With my loves. Relaxing and soaking in their wonder. Enjoying them. In the moment.

Today I spent the morning with my dear friend Deborah and I've been spinning with ideas and thoughts and exhaustion all day since. Diving deep into philosophical ideas about love and self love. Detachment, Buddhism and all spiritual traditions. Trying to understand it in the context of a modern lifestyle. Connecting the dots of the events from the past two years and understanding that everything has been leading up to now. This year. This time. This moment in my life.All the pain,fear,anger, despair. All the joy and self discovery. The journey back to art and photography. The path that lies before me now. All leading up to now.

Some of the best moments of life are spent like this. Talking about spiritual concepts, self love, self awareness and practicing loving kindness towards others without fear or judgment or attachment to outcome. 

My heart rolls through a million emotions when I'm with Deborah but I always come through it a stronger more compassionate and inspired human filling up her cup.

From this day forward it is my work to focus on mindfulness, equanimity in emotional circumstances, and detachment from outcome. Feeling pretty excited!

Transformation was my OLW for 2013. I can tell you right now that this word was a gracious gift straight from the universe.

AAAANNND, more on that soon! This journey has been a big trip but I know it's all coming into a sweet spot. This year Im unfolding myself into this place of joy and I'm too blissful not to share it.

Much love to you all.

 

 

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07/25/2013

Be who you want to be.

 

Small for blog never too late scrpt

I recently met a nice woman who told me all about her life plan.  

She's 42, has two young children, a full-time secure (READ: government) job with a great pension plan, a husband who owns his own business of which, she does the bookeeping.  Busy, high-energy, no-nonsense woman.  She has planned her entire life out--from her career to her retirement plan to her home buying plan to her children/family plan.  She'll be mortgage free in six years and her children will be beginning the early stages of puberty then.  She'll be able to retire with full pension in four and have time to spend being mom.

Wow.

 The entire time she's telling me her life story I'm thinking: I haven't had a plan at all!  Everything up to two years ago, basically just happened to me!  I went with the flow of life and life happened.  In fact, the only plan I have ever held concrete in my heart and mind was to be an artist.  That's right-- I did not plan to be a mother or a wife or a homeowner.  I didn't visualize that stuff AT ALL! *

 

I envisioned myself as an artist.  That's it.

Funny story: as this nice woman told me all about her life, I couldn't help thinking, in my small mind, "I couldn't possibly tell her that my plan is to be an artist."  In comparison to her story, it sounded so lame and non-important and too wishy-washy, and besides, I'm almost 37.  Time's up baby.

Ha!

What crazy things our minds can do.

Of course, when I returned home and reflected on this, I realized that the thought processes I endured in the midst of this woman's story were part of my SMALL MIND.  The part that harbours fear-based concerns.  The space that believes the stories of others and holds them in reverence to my own.  The place that does not honour my soul or my dreams or the work I was designed to do here on earth.

Ahhh.  What a relief.

It's never too late to be who you want to be.

*I should tell you that when I met and got serious with Jason, we DID plan out the family and home-buying.  However, I didn't plan this as a young person.  I dreamed of art (still do).

Also: I did decide when my brother and sister were small that I would NOT have more than two children.  So THAT, I DID plan!

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07/22/2013

July 2013

 

Small blog july 2013

Whoa, man. July has been an eventful month so far.

Our daughter had dental surgery at the beginning of July to remove an extra, miscellaneous tooth which was blocking her front adult tooth from emerging.  

Needless to say, the girl who has troubles sleeping was extra aggravated for about three days after.  She's all healed now and looking wonderful, though, so we're happy!  Happy it's over and happy to move on safe and sound!

Our son cut his hair short! He's been growing it out since he turned thirteen and Oh. My. Word!  

I was so excited to see his beautiful face and gorgoeous brown eyes.  And what a man he has grown into. It was all hiding behind his hair! I never had a problem with his hair style previous, but when it all left his face, I was amazed.  And I think he was too.  His whole being shines now, and after the rocky start he had to this year, right now I am happy to report that he is in a wonderful place spiritually and emotionally and we're all feeling really great about that. 

As for myself and my guy, we're doing pretty great as well!  My husband has being working steady, but learning how to slow down and enjoy life, during the gorgeous island summer we are having. We went camping last weekend with Jason's parents and had a blast at the lake!  I felt like I had taken two weeks off, I was so refreshed after, but I think getting away from my house helps me to feel relaxed more than anything! 

As for me, I have been growing and learning and marvelling in it all.  Last week I had two amazing counselling sessions which have seriously helped me to do some spiritual housecleaning.  In fact, the day after my second session, I went home from work, exhausted for no reason, and slept for two hours.  Then I got up, made dinner and slept again for about 9 hours.  I felt amazing the next day, so rested, calm and peaceful.  My thoughts were uplifting and positive, and since then I have been struck with so much creativity and inspiring ideas.  It's as if I defrafmented the old noggin and am now fresh and ready for the universal downloads!

In addition, this week, I took it upon myself to disengage from Facebook. I stopped checking my newsfeed Wednesday and did not look again until Saturday evening.  I am writing this post on Sunday afternoon and I have refrained again from looking at it today.  

I posted a few items, but not from Facebook--from other apps connected to my account--and I did message with it, but I did not respond to comments & I only checked notifications from my email.  

All of this actually sounds really ridiculous to me as I write it, but I admit, I was  am somewhat a social media junkie and I have concluded that I can only take in so much of it.  Facebook for me is the one that creates too much overwhelm, so for now I am staying away from my newsfeed.  I have really come into understanding who I am, how I operate and what makes me feel anxious, and in order to block out energy that I can easily absorb, I am reducing intake of media.

It is a good feeling when you can recognize the neccessity to block some things out.  Years ago I used to watch the The National on CBC, until eleven pm in my bedroom each night, but I had to quit doing that and take the tv out of our room (eventually cutitng off cable entirely) because I would be overwhelmed by the energy and emotion of the newscast.  I would NEVER go back to watching the news.  I can't say I will stay entirely away from Facebook forever, but I know that I am loving not looking at it right now.  I really do not miss it.

I now see how easily the media we consume can become the way we think.  It can form our opinion about the TRUTH and LIFE and if we are passively consuming the dark, negative, fear-mongering, esteem crushing ideals of popular culture and the (social) media, we begin to build resentment and fear deep in our minds. It is so easy to lose sight of how to be spiritually connected with such energy vampires lurking all around us.

I have many more thoughts on this and so much new blog content that has been coming through these past days!  I have been scribbling notes frantically as all the thoughts tumbled out of my mind and will be trying my best to organize the notes into cohesive sentences so I can share with you more ramblings of my misfit mind.

Do you have thoughts or comments on the media thing?  I would love to know how other people feel about this!  

Have an awesome week!

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07/19/2013

Soul work.

I've been doing a lot of soul work the past couple of weeks and this week there was a big lot of it happening. I had my cards read by the fabulous Erin and a counselling session with Deborah. By Thursday I was so exhausted I came home from work and went to bed. Slept for two hours, got up to make dinner and went back to bed. In all I slept for about eleven hours. Boy, my heart and soul and brain and body needed that!

Excited for where my journey is headed. Hope you'll stay tuned for some cool stuff I am cooking up around my souls journey. An intertwining of art and personal realizations. Good. Stuff.

Happyfriday!!

Soul work.

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07/11/2013

Brain fillers.

One of my favourite favourite things to do in all the world is to read. I love to fill my brain with stories and information. Ideas and anecdotes of human struggles and triumphs and ideas about how to make the world a better place, a more romantic place; or how the world can be a hard place and how some parts of life and the world are way harder than what I've ever known. Reading keeps me grounded, while helping me learn to fly. It humbles me while teaching me how to be a dreamer, a learner, a better human.

Alas, I barely ever take time to read actual books anymore. I read blogs and articles everyday online but rarely do I crack the spine of a novel or volume and feel the pages, smell the paper. Heck even before technology took over my reading time having kids sucked a lot of it away.
This weekend we are heading to the lake and I am packing an eclectic mix of brain fillers to satisfy my tactical need for paper knowledge. Here's to hoping there's a smidge of time to spend soaking up words on an actual page.

What's your favourite thing to read?

Brain fillers.

Brain fillers.

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07/10/2013

Sunflare bokeh anna blog
A few weeks ago we took our daughter for a quick overnight camping trip to the nearby lake, where we spent many weekends last year.  When we drove into the campground, she slowly looked around, then exclaimed, "Good memories".
Nothing could warm this mamas heart more than my children growing up with fond memories of fun and happy times.
This photo is a shot I took of her last year on our first camping trip of the season.  Cannot wait to capture more photos, memories and happy times coming up soon.
Happy Wednesday!

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07/04/2013

Filling my cup

Cup of wisdom small 4 BLOG

 

 

Ahhh.  It's summertime.  My favourite time.  My freedom time.  

I love summer.  I love heat, sun and water.  I love the freedom and ease of long long days where time stretches and unfolds and unfetters itself into boundless energy.  I love the non-routine of it.  The looseness of it.  I love the joy of having my children around me at all times.

I have decided to change directions for the summer and loosen up my expectations for my art.  I am going to dive head first into what has been coined "brave intuitive painting" and spin it on its head and make it look like what my soul and inner workings are yearning for.  I am going to allow my mind to go blank and free up the energy I need to expel.  The dark, the light, the joyous, the painful.

I am also going to spend a significant time connecting with my camera (not just my iphone) over the next eight weeks and getting back to the space where we love each other again.  I have neglected that sacred and most loved tool of mine and I am gong to reclaim that energy.

I am going to spend time inspiring my children to create and be creative and see where that takes them.

I am going to stretch and stregthen my core, my body, my core values, my spirit. Altogether.

I'm going to grow and it will be painful (all growth has growing pains), but also it will be freeing (all growth bears freedom).

I am going to live with the bold intention of filling my own cup first.  Of redirecting myself BACK onto my path.  Of valuing my journey and that of others around me.

I'm going to allow myself the responsibility of my own experience.  So that I may get strong and solid in my soul.  I am going to ground myself so that I may learn to fly.



*Pixie Campbell is an interesting soul whom I have recently stumbled upon through the gorgeous divinity of the interweb.  This quote came from a blog post she wrote over on her self titled site.  

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07/02/2013

The stories in my head

 

BW SELFIE BLOG

 

I'm a storyteller. Im fascinated by ideas and emotion and connection. It is for this reason that I obsessively read, write, draw, paint and take photos.
These creative processes help me understand and grow as a human on the earth.

Creativity helps me work out the good and not-so-good stories in my head. The ones I make up about myself and about others which tend to colour my emotions with joy or pain or what have you.

Far too often, throughout my life, and still today, part of the story I tell myself is that I'm not very good.

As in, I'm not very good at staying fit or looking fashionable. I'm not good at being a point of guidance for my children or a patient wife to my husband. I'm not very good at blogging or building a business or painting or making sense with words.
These stories are the worst ones because they build sadness and ultimately resentment.

I know that these fables in my brain have developed from my stupid tendency to "people please" which is an unhealthy habit of doing things for people in exchange for acceptance and love. It's not a good habit and I strongly caution against it.

I know the stuff around my body image and self worth derives from childhood and society's sick obsession with the female image.

I know that the stories about how hard I work at building a business and being the best comes from the push in school to do better & go harder; the voices of the adults who seen my intelligence and decided art was a wasteful pursuit for me.

I know that these stories are grim and make-believe. They are fake.

Not real.

But somehow I have real-ized them in my head and heart. They've become part of me on a cellular level.

The thing is that I am finished with these stories. I don't want to carry them with me anymore. They will always be part of who I've been but I no longer want them to be part of who I am.

The way I plan to release these sick fairy tales of my delusional brain is to share them. I am going to release them.

I will blog about them. I will paint them and script them. I will photograph myself to show my power over them.
And I will share it all with you, my readers, because I know that there is power in connection and I know that many of us have these same scripts running through our minds; running our minds; ruining our lives. And I want to show you all how awesome we are and how we can take back our minds and learn to love ourselves better.

I'm a storyteller and I want to share my story so that you may better understand your own.

Peace, friends.

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07/01/2013

Happy Canada Day

This weekend was the official first weekend of summer for us now that school has finished for the year. And it is the long weekend. And it's hot!

We're spent our time this weekend swimming, working (that would be me--retail) and tonight we'll head down to our beautiful Capital city for some mini donuts, entertainment on the Cosway and fireworks! Always a super fun time.

Have a happy Canada day my fellow Canadians, and to all my other readers, happy Monday!

Happy Canada Day

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