December Studio

Life

(May 15, 2005.  10 lbs of baby girl)

Life is hanging in a sweet, yet cryptic balance these days.  

I feel I am on a cusp. 

My children are growing and moving into new, big, beautiful chapters of their lives.  Work is going well, and I'm getting all sorts of requests for custom art and to sell original pieces (!).

And yet, I have this distinct feeling that there's more.  Something I can't yet see, but can feel.

A big change.  

Feels like those mornings, where you rise early and sit in peace with a hot beverage, watching the fog engulf the water and the mountains; whispering its mystery all around you, making you feel curious, but content all at once.

Maybe its partly the feeling of my mama's heart cracking wide open as my baby girl turns eight years old.

Today.

7:04 am.

Eight. Years. Old.

And the thing is, that eight is still little and curious and content.  But I know from experience that eight is the gateway to ten...and once we hit the double digits, well, it just rolls past so fast after that.

So today, I'm a little heartbroken.  

But also, so in love with my little lady who brings so much joy to life. 

I am blessed.  And holding her so tightly. Squeezing as many hugs and giggles from her as I can.

(circa 2006.  1.25 years old. )

Dear A,

Today, babe, you are eight. EIGHT! Wow, lady.  What an awesome accomplishment.

I want you to know, my sweet, that you were wished for, prayed for, and longed for.  You are my girl.  My funny, creative, loving, caring, kind girl who worries way too much for a person who has only lived for eight years.

You are loud, girl.  Like the LOUDEST. But only when you are in your element, or if you think no one is looking.  You want to make a good impression on others, and I admire that, but remember, as long as you are yourself, you are loved.  People will always want to be with you.

You are gorgeous.  You have beautiful eyes, a sweet little nose and the most amazing cheekbones.  Ever since you were a babe in my arms I have stared at you trying to pick out your adult face.  Sometimes I see it.  Sometimes all I see is a sweet angel. Sometimes I just see your small face and try to log the memory deep within my heart so I will always know what it looks like.

Since you were three, I've read you the story of the angel in Heaven who stared down at earth and longed to join the people here.  She found a nice lady and a handsome man and chose them as her parents, then she joined them as their earth angel.  We told you that this was your story.  This is how you came to us.   We picked you and you picked us.  We are so blessed that you agreed to come be here with us for this adventure.

You are tough.  You are tenacious.  You have ideas and you execute them.  You challenge me constantly.  I love all these things about you, but what I want you to remember is to use this tough energy to be courageous. Use your kind heart to do good things.  Go into the world and take charge, but help those who need help and stay strong in your beliefs. 

Today, sweetie pie, enjoy the freedom that eight brings.  Be proud of all the things you have done, like learn to read, sing in front of big audiences, do hard math, and clean your room.  Be open to beauty and love and keep loving life.  

I love you.

XO 

Mama

If I were: A letter to the Universe.

The other day I played pretend.  I had the day off from my JOB, and NO ONE, I mean NO ONE needed me to do anything for them, or their general well being..... soooooooooo I got to play.

And, it was glorious.

I pretended that my for all the time, for REAL, for whole bunches of money JOB was artist, designer, blogger. 

At one point in the day, I had to stop and tweet about what I was experiencing, pretending to be an artist:

Creating art--being in the zone--is completely enthralling. 

It is the ultimate adrenalin rush where fear&joy collide in an explosion of AMAZING

I wanted to document, in the most concise way, what I was feeling in that moment, because as powerful as they are, these creative energy flows eventually fade, and life settles back into the mundane and routine.

That moment, that powerful creative experience, rushed at me as I stared down a blank canvas, about to lay down a commissioned script quote, one I had been practicing over and over all afternoon.

As I looked at that pristine board, unmarked, untouched by creative energy, I blanked.  I had stage fright. Adrenaline rushed, fear throbbed, joy exploded, love swirled, anxiety shook, courage pounded.  I felt all the feelings and I pushed through, I carried them with me, i jumped on their back and donned my own cape and I flew through it all.  The love, the joy, the fear, the anxiety.

I welcomed it, I loved it all, I floated with it.

And I knocked out that script quote.  That perfect sentiment.  That amazing moment.

I flew.  MY HEART SOARED.  My soul collided with the universal train of pure potentiality and all possibility and every idea ever thought and every dream ever dreamed.

I was in my element.  I was an artist making art.

Today, it hit me like lightning.  In order to manifest this pretention into a solid reality, I need to write down exactly what it looks like.  Exactly what I envision living a life as a working artist LOOKS LIKE for me.

Write a proposal letter to the universe, if you will.

(And what better time to do so than the new moon, a time when we can all think about the resolutions we need to make and create action around them to see them into reality.)

Dear Universe,

How are you?  I am well.  This week has been of stellar quality and for that I thank you.  Today I am writing to talk to you about what my future will look like when I am in my element making art for a living; spreading joy and love through the world.

When I am a working artist, I will continue to rise early for exercise and contemplation before the household awakens.  I will continue to love and take care of my children, husband, pets and home.  The schooling and well being of my young will be of utmost priority, but because I will not have to spend thirty hours per week at a job outside the home, I will have a higher level of energy to give to this precious cause.

When I am a working artist, I will form a cohesive schedule which will have a firm structure, but a maleable agenda.  I will have certain routines and habits surrounding the business end of my work which will be completed in a regular fashion, but since I am working artist, I will allow inspiration to come when it will and I will ride that wave as freely as I can.

When I am a working artist I will communicate clearly with my family my needs around my new job so that they may not be confused as to why certain things were not done even though I was at home all day.  I will be clear with them and myself that I am working on art and, just like leaving the home to go to a job, I am leaving the housework to go to a job.

When I am a working artist, I will do my best to open myself to new and different and interesting folks who work and create as I do.  I will do my best to work through any fears or envy or judgement that may spring up during these years that I am working as an artist.  This will happen, to be sure, but I will do my very best to remember that this is my soul's journey and that all people and circumstances are appearing for me to aid in my spiritual development.  This is the entire reason I am a working artist.

When I am a working artist I will do my best to leave all feedback: positive and negative, alone.  I will be grateful that people connect with my art, but I will try very hard not to get caught up in the ego's need for approval.  This will be hard, I know, but again, this is my soul's work.

When I am a working artist, I will do my best to balance home life with work life and leisure time.  I will also accept the fact that sometimes, these things will totally wobble out of balance in a deep way, and that is okay.

When I am a working artist, I will donate time and energy to promoting arts culture to young people.  I believe this is important work.  I want to inspire youth to follow their creative passions and to believe in themselves.

Finally, when I am a working artist, I will strive to improve my work and my outlook on challenges and successes with an open heart full of love and hope and I will never stop dreaming about what it is like to be a working artist.

Thank you for listening.

XO

Dalyce

 

 

Still here.

 

I've been battling with this blog in my mind all week.  I've wanted to get here so bad and drop some lines, share some thoughts, document life right now, but whirlwinds are whipping up all around me and this space--this computer, actually--and I are not connecting like we used to.

That's okay.

I am not abandoning the blog, I am just resetting priorities so that my core desires and daily movements are more in line with a life that has blogging at its core.  

Because I feel this place is important.

To me, to my art, to my life.

There's a new moon on Thursday and it is the most powerful all year in terms of effecting real change in your life.  I intend to be sitting with pen and paper that day to carve out my life's path.  I have some big dreams and I feel them sitting so close in the wings I could almost reach out and touch them.

I want to grab those wings and fly.

I have a few comissioned pieces on deck this week.  Two are going to get FINISHED.  One is a huge piece which I started on the weekend and is clipping along beautifully.  I feel I have hit my stride and I am going to keep sailing on that wind.

SO GOOD.

After that, I have a fun and secret mission to prepare for which, if the stars line up in my favour, will be revealed at the end of MAY.  

Whew.

That's some awesome news right there.

 

Happy Monday friends.  Go into the world with love today.