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April 2013

04/25/2013

This week.

DSCF5491
My boy circa 2005


 

 

Oof.

This week.

I have been meaning to get to this space all week, but honestly, there has been no energy left in me when I've had the spare moments to do that.

Not that it's been extra crazy-busy, but my energy is low, and that is normal for me at this point in the month--ladies, you hear me right? But on top of that is the full moon energy, and that is sincerely sucking the life right out of everyone in this home.

My daughter has been affected when it comes to sleep.  Since birth that one has NOT been a sleeping child.  Oh, she has improved significantly in the past year, but STILL there are nights where she is disturbed in sleep and we ALL FEEL IT.  As in, she is vocally indicating her discomfort.  As in, she loudly talks and cries out in her slumber.

She is not awake, but obviously, she's not fully sleeping either as she screams "NOOOOO, STOOOOOP" over and over and over.

Oy.

So, yeah, last night was the third night of this, and truly, when I look back over the years, full moon energy is the common denominator.

Oh, but it hasn't been all bad.

This week, we enrolled the boy (teenager, almost adult) in an alternative school where the student body numbers no more than 150 and the ratio of teacher to student is 1 to 2.

Bam! Just like that my boy is in love with learning again!  

I'll admit, I wasn't crazy about the idea when he brought it to me.  When I was in high school, this program was new and it basically was for the kids who were getting kicked out: of home, of school , of society...so no, I wasn't thrilled.  

However, my boy who has suffered with anxiety and depression and would NOT advocate for himself when I stood there and repeated to him: WHATEVER YOU NEED, JUST TELL ME, WE WILL DO THAT FOR YOU, was finally speaking up for himself.  He did his research (talked to friends) and so I did mine (Googled it) and we met in the middle.

On Monday we ventured up to the school and boy, it sure has changed since my day, when my friends were enrolled ( and skipping out).

It's a sweet little community now where you feel welcome the moment you walk in.  You get the sense of calm and nuturing kindeness.  A far cry from the "business-like" feel I would get walking into Kelsey, his old high school.

He started on Tuesday and when he was done he texted me: "That was the best day of school I've had ever"

And my mama's heart blossomed with joy.

My boy is coming back.

Happy Thursday everyone.  It's the full moon today, so tread lightly, although most of that oddball energy with be starting to fade now.  And maybe, I will get a solid night sleep tonight.  Oh, the luxury!

Have a good one!

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04/17/2013

In silence.

 

SILENT

I am taking a vow of silence for the remainder of this week.  It is my small, tiny, insignificant way of honouring the lives lost and injured and forever changed by the tragedy of Monday.  I will be back next Monday with new posts, but for now, I am going to be sitting in silence, praying for the broken hearts in the world, praying for the dark hearts that are so twisted they feel vindicated in destroying the lives of innocent humans.

Praying for hope.

Praying for peace.

Holding my loves close and doing my part to bring sunshine into the world.

I pray you do the same.  

Hold your loves tight and pray.

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04/16/2013

Seek the light.

I cannot imagine the sheer horror an event such as the bombings in Boston yesterday, or the Sandy Hook nightmare just four months ago, would evoke for those affected.  I pray that I never have to know.

And I pray for everyone who does know.  My heart is broken for you and my soul is forever saddened by the excrutiating and senseless acts of some human beings on this planet. 

Today I bow my heart and head to you and those you have lost.  I pray you seek the light, and hold their spirit close to your heart.

Seek the light

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04/15/2013

Spring cleaned.

 

  Black white

Good morning!  How was the weekend?  Here on the island, the weather was pretty typical for spring: sun, wind, crisp air, rain, fierce looking clouds, threats of thunder, snow and hail, and clear night skies.

I spent the entire weekend getting caught up on the things which were long overdue: taxes, paper filing and shredding, hanging pictures, sorting out clutter, cleaning cabinets, and doing some errands.  I stopped over at Cameo Boutique to give Lisa the print she won from my "SMALL THINGS BIG LOVE" contest back in February and I fell in love with her shoppe, all the furniture, and caught the bug for DIY furniture painting.  I've been dreaming of redoing some of my cabinetry in a matte, rustic black and when I checked out the price of the chalk paint she sells, I was sold!  As soon as I can wipe some projects off my slate, I will be getting ready to do just that!

It feels so good to have the clutter and nagging chores out of sight and off my plate.  I cannot stand doing home filing and such because it's all I do at work, but it feels amazing to get those monkeys off my back for at least another year.

Spending time reorganizing, paring down and decluttering has helped propel the feeling I had back in January of transforming my home into a space I feel joy to be in.  My brain is swirling with ideas of how to redefine this little home of ours.  More decluttering is first on the agenda!  And some script art for the walls.  Black curtains and furniture paint.  New black frames for photos and I'd love to reupholster my couch and chair in a black fabric, or leather?  Find some throw pillows, a new area rug, paint the kitchen cabinets, and get a new front door that lets light in.  Oh, and I need to find a little extra time somewhere to execute these things, but I'm sure in time, things will all come together.  Bit by bit.

Anyhow, it's time to start the week and time to write a schedule for me to get creative work done--this week's challenge.

Happy Monday, friends!

 

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04/12/2013

Currently OBSESSED..It's a gooder people.

SHAKE IT OUT

 

Oofta.  

What a week, I am exhausted, and it's not even the weekend yet. 

This week I set some challenges for myself and MET ALL OF THEM.  So, yay for me because I am awesome and that is totally rad.  

No, but really.  I am pretty impressed with myself because I'm really good at figuring out ways to let go of extra committments and push them to the side when things start to look a bit hairy.  Or, when I get tired, which was a lot this week.

But, I told myself, it's only for a week.  Seriously, a week, and next week I can do something different if I want, or continue, or never think about being tough on myself ever again.

So, yeah, I stuck it out and went full pull.

What were my challenges you ask? Well, I will tell you what they were, and next week I will talk about each one and how I managed through them in separate posts.

-Continue eating "green".  This is actually a month long goal I started back in the middle of March and it's going well.  I had only two pieces of bread and five crackers this week, which I think is awesome.  Every meal had high "fresh" content and little meat.

-Get up earlier to get more creative "work" done.  Not fun (getting up early=not fun), but I did it and I plan to keep it for at least another week, with the aim of making a permament change.  We'll see!

-Blog everyday, MONDAY TO FRIDAY. I did it, and I tried almost every night to talk myself out of it.  On the two nights that I did manage to convince myself not to do it, I made it my task for the next day's early wake up session.

 

Those were this week's specific challenges.  They are a few among others I have decided to do as lifelong challenges, like drink more water and exercise.  Next week, I plan to have one or two more, and for sure set a solid creative "work" schedule is one of them.

**(This was in addition to working 34 hours at my retail J-O-B and managing my household and family like a stinking angel, floating through the air leaving sparkles and glitter wherever I went.)

 

OKAY. I still want to share what I was obsessing about this week, setting challenges for myself being top of mind.  I still have more!  Here goes:

 

RASPBERRY TEA

GREEN SMOOTHIE

PAINT AND PEN SKETCHES

TYPOGRAPHY

SUGAR FREE ENERGY SNACKS

GRANOLA BAR OATMEAL

PHOTO A DAY

ACRYLIC INK IN WHITE

ABSTRACT FLOWERS

THESE LYRICS:

And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around

Our love is questioned, such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa

(excerpted from Florence and the Machine, SHAKE IT OUT)

Yes, still obsessed with Florence.  That woman is a Goddess. I love her.

Also, THIS: 

 

Hey, thanks you lovely, and awesome blog readers. I LOVE you.  Happy stinking Friday.  Is it beer-o-clock yet?

Make it a gooder people.

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04/11/2013

Reinvent YOUrself

Reinvent yourselfOh, yesterday was one of those days where everything felt URGENT! and PANICKED! and BLERG.

So, I decided to remind myself that some days are just like that, and tomorrow brings with it another chance to live life the way I want to.  A new chance to reinvent myself.

Happy Thursday! (one more day:)

 

 

 

 

 

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04/10/2013

Keep going. The upside of failure.

Keep going steel fence posts

Wow.  I got a lot of feedback from yesterday's post and I am so full of joy about that, I can't even tell you.

It feels pretty surreal when folks reach out and connect to the same vulnerabilities and fears that you have.  This is the main reason I love the internet, for sure.

One thing that came up as a hot topic was this particular random fact: 

12. I have failed miserably as a parent

And I thought I should do some damage control so people reading here could know that I do not think that I personally AM a failure, or that I am a failure as a mother.  I DO NOT think that way, (although fleetingly, the thought has entered my mind a few times over the course of 17 years), but I know I am a decent mom and I know that everything, everything, EVERYTHING I have done for my children was done out of love.

But, my goodness, I have screwed up a lot too.

And I'm okay with that.  So totally okay with it.

I get what the word failure can bring up for people, because I used to be one of those people.  I used to think that failure was akin to shame and therefore if I fail, I am inherently bad.

I don't subscribe to that thought anymore and here's why: The Happiness Project.

The authour of The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin, talks at length about her perfectionism and hatred for failure, but in her book, she challenges herself to "find fun in failure".  When I read this three years ago, much change was brewing for me in my life, and this idea of failure as a necessary part of the process toward greatness and success, helped me through that tumultuous time.  Acceptance of failure, is the catalyst which propels us towards growth and ultimately, success.  If I do not accept my shortcomings and see where I have veered off the track, how will I ever know how to get back on? 

Understanding failure and mistakes in this way helps me to keep going.

Gretchen writes, "...accept failure or mistakes as an important part of a process. It’s okay if something fails."

It's okay if something fails.  It's okay to fail as a parent.  In fact, it's inevitable.  Accepting that I will, that I do, and that I am makes me more humble and able to deal with the next set of challenges that parenting will brings for me.  And one day, very likely, my children will look back and see a very successful parenting model in their hindsight, rather than a single one of my failing moments.

 

I want to thank, wholeheartedly, my sweet commenters, my dear, dear friends who love me despite, or maybe because of my failing moments. You ladies are a light in my life and I am blessed to call you my friends.

 

Happy WEDNESDAY.  Keep going, you're halfway there!

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04/09/2013

Tag! I'm it!

 

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1. I want you to like me

2. I can't understand if you don't

3. I grew up on a big farm with horses and I knew how to saddle one by the age of 8

4. I used to suck my thumb and my mother knows how long, but we won't be sharing that here

5. I am a huge sap and love makes me swoon and cry and skips my heart a whole bunch of beats

6. I did not ever imagine what my wedding would be like because I did not ever envision myself with a husband or a family

7. That doesn't mean I didn't think I would ever marry or have kids, I just never daydreamed about it like so many people say I should have

8. I played Ringette for about 3 years and I LOVED IT SO MUCH

9. I dislike playing baseball very much

10. I struggled with a poor self image for about 3 quarters of my life. I'm lying, it's been about most of my life.  Ok, I still occassionally worry about it, but I love myself a LOT more today than I have ever in my whole life

11. That makes me sad.  I want to do whatever I can to ensure my girl doesn't struggle as I have

12. I have failed miserably as a parent

13. I accept that this is a rite of passage into grandparenthood, because I have failed while trying DAMN hard so basically I win everything, including grandchildren

14. Since I was 15, I wanted to be a photographer

15. Since I was in grade two I wanted to be an artist

16. I never wanted to work retail, and yet I have spent almost NINETEEN years doing just that and NOT being an artist or a photographer, so basically WTH?

17. I love to take photos of the sun

18. When I was 23 I began a journey into health that lead me to lose 60 lbs in about half a year

19. I also quit smoking AT THE SAME TIME

20. People are usually baffled at that conundrum

21. I hate laundry

22. I picked a highly intelligent man for a spouse who is a good person and one of the hardest working people I know; I love him very much

23. Although he cannot shut cupboard doors very well

24. I started a blog in 2011 around the same time I was suffering from intense depression and social anxiety

25. The blogging community and the very vibrant art community that exists within that framework pulled me from the mire of depression

26. Art rules. Also: the Cowichan Valley and Vancouver Island.

27. I feel very lucky to be blessed with such cool kids and I LOVE one-on-one time with them

28. Pretty smitten with how much they love each other

29. I love clothes, but I feel afraid to be brave with style

30. I want to live on a gulf island growing my own food and making art. That is the dream.

I saw something like this on facebook yesterday, and I've seen many people around the interweb tagging others to do the same kind of thing.  I wasn't tagged. No one asked me to share random shit facts about myself, but I'm gonna share anyway. I'm glad no one tagged me because I would have felt pressure to perform and worried about whether you would even like me afterward.  So, here we are, all the fun, none of the pressure.  Win-win.

Happy Tuesday!

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04/08/2013

be awesome today

Stand tall photo card
My cursor is being a brat and skipping all over the place.  It's annoying and making me a wee bit pissed off MAD, so I send you  this image today.  I love this idea.  STAND TALL. Monday's are good days to remember ourselves, I think. A good time to rekindle our bravery; a good day to reconnect with our inner AWESOME.  You are awesome and I lveo you.  Go on and rock this Monday like nobody's business.  STAND TALL.
HAPPY MONDAY!
*photo captured last March in Port Renfrew, B.C.

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04/05/2013

Currently obsessed with...

Drinking lots of water with lemon juice

Adding green plant matter to my smoothies

Composing at least 50% of each meal with fresh (not cooked or denatured) foods

Walking for even ten minutes at a brisk pace

Stretching

Doodling with pens and paints and paint pens

Listening to Florence + the Machine.

All of these are good for my soul.

The end.

Happy Friday.  Have an awesome weekend!

(DOG DAYS ARE OVER: FLORENCE +THE MACHINE via VIMEO. DIRECTED BY GEORGIE GREVILLE AND GEREMY JASPER OF LEGS; EDITED BY PAUL SNYDER AT LOST PLANET)

 

 

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